Day at the Capitol

What a stressful day! We had to go to the capitol in Denver and meet with representatives about certain blind issues and a bill we want to have passed. B/c of budget cuts we wanted to make sure funding for our programs wasn't dropped. The main funding program was a blind phone service so we can get newspapers and magazines read to us. We also wanted to make sure we could get copyrighted access so the blind people can read copyrighted materials and have equal access. The bill HB-1152 is important b/c it raised fines for discrimination and harm occurring to guide dogs, etc. Right now the fines are so low they aren't acting as much of a deterrent to keep these kinds of things from happening.

So anyways I had such a hard time in this HUGE maze of a marble building. Sound bounces off of marble and made it impossible for me to localize sound. I had to hang onto a fellow student which is a no no. There was an exception made for me b/c I could not hear enough to follow the group. It's all a giant maze and sound is everywhere. I swear that building is like 80% marble pillars and then tiny walkways. I was not sighted the whole time b/c it was way to much for me to handle. I would say I was definitely overtaxed. It's so discouraging and I wonder if I will ever be able to overcome the hearing issue with my blindness.

Today

I had a very good friend of mine visit the center today, so I got to give her a tour. It was fun showing her what I do everyday and show off some of my limited skills. :-) I definitely enjoyed having her there.

Later on I had to do another independent trip to Oxford station where I have never been. This panicked me and I cheated so much. It's like I would be standing and had to check that I really was on solid ground. How dumb is that!!! Well when you start to panic all sense and logic flies out the window. I was so unsure of my cane and didn't know what to do with myself. After I started heading back I ran into my instructor and told him I was mad at him for sending me out by myself. I really felt like I couldn't do it and was not ready. Sounds freaked me out and I was so unsteady. If I had stayed calm I might have been able to do it, but I really don't feel like I know the art of observation enough to determine what I am doing or where I need to go. I was also panicked about ending up on the tracks like Jeff did. I think it was too much of a stretch just yet and left me so very very discouraged and upset with myself. It's one thing to anticipate what you know is present b/c you've been there before. It's an entirely different matter to figure it all out from scratch and not even know the layout of the place.

This weekend

I went to a church last night called The Scum of the Earth. I had to go just to see what the name was all about. Anyways there were a group of us from the center that went. 4 of us came back early rather than going out to eat and were waiting for the 10:15 pm bus. The time came and went and No Bus showed. I called Matt to see if the schedule was different. Well apparently Sundays are limited. Our last bus was at 7:50 pm. We had to walk the mile and a half home. It was fun trying to navigate it together. Good practice and I did enjoy the time with friends. But the scary part was before we got to the bus station. We were walking to the light rail waiting zone and Jeff, one of the newer students that has Ushers like me was confused and fell off the platform onto the light rail tracks. Fortunately I could see a little b/c of the lighting at the station and went running onto the tracks to get him off before the train came. He was so disoriented and it took longer than I would have liked to get him off the tracks. Then a train came within a minute of all that. Poor guy! It freaked us all out and I was the only one sighted enough to see what happened to know he was on the tracks. After that ordeal was over with and all adrenaline settled we than had a long walk home in the cold, but it was still enjoyable (not the train track part but the walking part).

PBS Documentary

I saw a preview on the web about the PBS documentary "The eyes of me" about 4 blind teenagers. I'm not sure why but it rubbed me wrong. To be fair I only saw the preview and not the documentary so it might not come across how I perceived it would. The students in the film looked scary, timid, unstable, and cognitively deficient (I nice way of putting it). I don't like the idea of creating or further enhancing the idea that blind people are helpless, in need of pity, and sort of incapable. There are many of us that are very strong in personality, that carry ourselves professionally, that are intelligent, and that can do whatever we put our minds too. The film preview seemed to show a number of mannerisms (or blindisms as we call it) that do not make us as blind people come across very well socially. Even we discuss the problems with certain blindisms so as to not develop them.

It's just that I have made it so far in life and have overcome so many difficulties and the fact that this disability is so out in the open bothers me. I hate that when someone sees my cane they automatically make certain assumptions. I'm afraid this documentary only helps to further those assumptions. I train with some very neat blind people that can do anything and I also train with individuals that have issues socially. It's just part of the mix. I just don't like being categorized so quickly in people's minds.

Travel route

Today I have a math conference so I will be taking a break from training blindfolded. Yesterday I was sent on my first independent route from the center to the light rail, up to Evans station, and back to the center. I had to go ask a bus driver where he was headed and then turn around and come back. He thought I was a bit strange to go al that way and then turn around and leave. "Uh Mam aren't you getting on the bus?" "Nope I am just on assignment and am heading back now." "Uh ok!"
A lady at the station thought I was lost...and technically since I was blind I was lost but not in the way she thought I was. "I saw you going that way and now you are back!" "Well I'm on assignment and can go back now!" I did nicely explain it to her since I had time while waiting for the light rail. I peeked a few times b/c I was nervous. The temptation is so high....as my friend likes to put it "The Adversary is tempting me!" LOL!!! Anyways I made it back to the center and Robert at the front desk was like "how'd it go?" I disappointingly told him I cheated. He went ahead and announced over the intercom that I did my first independent. After that he told me that I would learn more skills so I wouldn't feel the need to cheat later on. Hummm I said I liked his perspective better than mine.

No fingers chopped

WOW it was exciting today. I got to use the miter saw and table saw. Yes I was blind!!! We are actually very safe b/c the techniques we use keeps us from getting to close to the blades. They are techniques even sighted people should use...and most do. We have to properly set the blades and use a click rule to do so...very accurate. We can have a table saw blade more than 1/8 higher than our wood stock we are cutting. We also use push blocks so as to stay away from the blade. Our sense of awareness needs to be sharp (and it sure is when that kind of noise is turned on). Our hands must also stay in place and not move, except to push the push block. The miter saw was interesting. It was actually a sliding miter. I had to pull it towards me, push down on the cut, push back, and then raise it. Allows for cutting of wider boards. So fun!!! Next week I might be doing the angle cuts. Ohhh dangerous sounding. I am having fun with this if you can't tell.

I have to laugh

I am going to laugh at myself about this. I was commenting to a friend of mine that I thought it was funny how when my blind friend was talking with someone at church on Sunday there was a lot of head nodding motions by the sighted person. My blind friend could not see them. Then I caught myself doing the same thing. Not only that but I was under sleep shades myself. LIKE DUH!!! Actually this has happened a number of times. I raised my hand once and realized that wouldn't work so I just called out my name like we are supposed to. Then once I asked a guy that has been total a majority of his life "Why does your cane have blue on top and the others have green." He was like "huh. I just have whatever cane they give me. Who cares about color." Dumb question!!! Well if we can't laugh at ourselves then what can we do.