Amazing People

We said goodbye to my tech instructor yesterday. It was sad for me b/c I really enjoyed her and formed a friendship with her. She left to pursue other interest. I am amazed by her story. She is so incredibly smart and spent her life learning to overcome blindness as well as Cerebral palsy. She uses a wheelchair and a cane to navigate with. I really learned to put aside my preconceived notions about CP and about wheelchairs. It's interesting how we can have a disability and find ourselves almost doing to other disabilities what we can't stand people doing to ours. Judging, forming biased opinions, and such. Prejudices are prevalent in even the groups of people who experience it regularly. It is not just an issue that "normal" individuals have. Jen was definitely an inspiration to me. She has overcome so much and is wicked smart. She knew all the math stuff and could talk "shop" with me. She was such a techie, and she was fun. I will definitely miss her and wish her the best.

Funny pic

This is funny. I found it online. Actually the sad thing is it's the reason why I got my last ticket when I used to drive. I blew through a stop sign I never saw. I couldn't really use that line on the cop though!!!

Master Drive on TV

Our group actually showed up on TV. Here's a few links that have videos on them.

http://cbs4denver.com/local/Blind.drivers.Students.2.1012857.html
http://cbs4denver.com/local/blind.drivers.obstacle.2.1618764.html

It was pretty exciting for all of us. One of my good friends, Kristen, is the "star of the show" in the video section of the second link.

master drive

We went to a driving school called "Master Drive." It made for an interesting and informative day. Basically spent all morning there. The idea was to get us behind the wheel to feel what it was like to drive. A majority of us had never driven and some of us, like me, used to drive until we lost enough vision. It was a lot of fun! We had an instructor with us that gave us directions and we would steer and hit the gas and brakes to drive around a course with cones. I hit plenty of cones and find it very unnerving to drive without seeing where I was going. I had to trust my instructor. TRUST is a key word I am noticing. For someone that has driven before I didn't do as well as I would have liked...but it was just for fun after all. After the cone course we did skids. They would have us start driving really fast and let go of the gas so they could set us in a skid. Our job was to recover from the skid. Surprisingly enough they were saying that we blind people tend to do better than their sighted students, b/c we have to feel the car. I did very well coming out of the skid. I could actually feel the centripetal forces on the car and the shift in weight. By feeling it I was able to anticipate what I needed to do and correct. I absolutely loved how I could feel it all. SO different than using sight. But it had so much information in it. Actually felt like I was one with the car. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

We had some news stations show up to cover us. I actually almost knocked over one of the cameras and the camera man was like "uhhh go left." "Oops I hope I didn't knock someone over!" "Uhhh no just almost got the camera." I kinda got a kick out of that. I also got lost a few times trying to follow the group and not hearing well enough to figure out where everyone was exactly. Good thing some sighted people were around because they usually went to fetch me and bring me back to everyone else.

As said and done I enjoyed the experience but I also struggled emotionally. One of the hardest things I've had to deal with about my blindness is losing the rights to drive. I miss the freedom. I miss being behind the wheel. It is so hard for me to lose that. I was very quite and nostalgic while some of the other students were driving. It was like a reminder of what I can no longer do and it is hard to handle.

Field test image

I thought I'd post what my visual field looks like so you could have an idea how a high field loss shows up on scans. They flash lights and you indicate when you detect the lights. This maps out where regions of blindness are located...you'll notice different shades of grey, black, etc. This represents how much light you can detect in that region. It shows up darker if you need more intense light to detect it. Included is a pic of a more normal field test as well for you to see a comparison. There is a dark spot that shows up in everyones field test...it is where the blind spot is located (where ht optic nerve is located). It is normal to have that dark region. For me though it seems like one giant blind spot everywhere.

Field test

Today I had another field test at the ophthalmologist to see what my visual field looks like. It's been a year, so I was due for anothe. I have definitely been seeing more of a tunnel now in my vision and asked what my actual field of view was. He says 5 degrees. Normal is 120 degrees and legally blind is 20 degrees. Humm well I guess I can get my tax credit for being legally blind. He said it looks like it hasn't changed too much so of course b/c I am a bad patient I asked if I could drive. He was like "with a 5 degree field...NO!" Grumble grumble....I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.

I kinda would like to know his definition of stable b/c in 2 years I've gone from about 60 to 5. Doesn't sound stable to me...but whatever. I didn't go getting a doctor's edumacation!!!! I do know math and 60 and 5 seem kinda different. One of the techs looked at me and said "wow you are a tough patient." My response..."I've been told that for a professor I make a bad student. Not much difference here!"

[ok I'm back at the computer after examining my copy of the peripheral scans]....I am a scientist after all and need to understand all these things. I think I know his definition of stable now....he looks at the central region and the diameter of perfect unaffected vision is the same at 5 degrees. The surrounding vision though has darkened. I would think that would matter....Before I could pick up higher intensity light in that region...but now it's unresponsive to pretty much any light. Well as a blind person that is significant. Explains why I see a tunnel now.

He says that when he looks into my peripheral region all my blood vessels are atrophied and almost gone. The central is still looking good. Remember that by central I mean that little 5 degree part. He then gave me some eye drops for blood flow. The primary ingredient is Rogane...how crazy is that. I looked at him and said "are you telling me to put hair growing chemicals into my eye." He laughed and said my eye wouldn't get hairy. Hummm well I would think a hairy eyeball would work against my vision. I was like "I really don't want to have to shave the rest of my body more than I already have too." Ok some of you are probably thinking TMI. Yes I am a skeptic...perhaps I will just go back to acupuncture. At least it's ALL NATURAL and doesn't include hair growing stuff.

Hearing loss

I find it interesting that while my hearing has not gotten better I have been able to use what I have much better. I am noticing things now that I would not have noticed before. Sound quality is still bad compared to normal hearing (although the new hearing aids help)..but picking up noises I need to listen for has gotten better. For instance...when the train pulls into the light rail station I am noticing the sound the tracks make as the vibrate before I noticed the bell on the train. Unique noise I must say. I don't know where the doors are when they open but I am noticing when they open. The bi fold doors are louder than the sliding ones. I usually can't pick up the sliding doors. I am very fascinated by how the brain works to amplify the senses you need when one fails, even if the other sense is poor.

I had another interesting and successful day yesterday. We had apartment inspections (which I passed without a problem) but I had to get around and use my problem solving skills to get where I needed to go without my instructors help. I find it difficult to follow people and really localize where they are talking from. But I managed and only fell off the curb a few times.