Evaluation

I took the day off to really spend time evaluating my progress in training and decide if I should continue with it. I sort of am on a plateau at the moment and I believe it has to do with attitude. Sometimes I am tired of being blind and would like to just go back to driving and living a normal life...but that's not going to happen. Then I decide that being around blind people reminds me too much of what I don't want to be. Although they are a great support network so the attitude doesn't make much sense. I guess it's all part of this cyclical grieving process I tend to do over and over again. I did decide that I do want to continue training b/c the skills really are helpful and I am trying to refocus myself on the program. Too many other distractions have caused me to divert from what I need to do while in the program.

During one of our philosophy classes some time ago we were discussing why driving is not such a big deal. Of course I had my hands folded across my chest and a very grumpy expression on my face. People were saying how nice it is not having to pay for insurance, gas, repairs, and parking, etc. So many folks thought driving was no big deal and could do without it. Finally I piped up and said "well I would have liked to have had the choice to drive or not to drive, rather than having no choice at all." No one said anything and It got quiet. Losing my driving rights has been very hard to deal with and makes me mad over and over again. Driving has a freedom associated with it and allows for transportation without having to "bug" others for rides all the time. I hate being a nuisance and being so needy for rides to get places where public transit doesn't go...like my church for instance. This has got to be the most difficult aspect to blindness, especially when I think I can still See a lot.