Cooking

Tonight went well. My friend Kristen and I went to my house and had Matt and the kids, my mom and her boyfriend and us for dinner. I made gluten free chicken Parmesan that was fabulously good and a pecan pie that was gluten and dairy free. I did the whole thing under blindfold. It was very good practice and did take 3 hours to make everything, but it all turned out well. Everything was from scratch and tasted good. I even was ok with sticking my fingers into the fryer to flip the chicken. No burnt fingers or food. :-)

Last day of Skiing

Today was my last day of snow skiing with the program. I really enjoyed it and was determined to make it the entire day without peeking. Yeah I made it!! Went on a few blue runs and practiced turns on command, etc. I did so much better today and felt very confident under direction. A few tricks my guide played on me included handing me the ski poles upside down to see if I'd notice. I was trying to push in the snow and said "This isn't looking right!" I was trying to hold the bottom of the poles and the top was sliding in the snow. No grip. LOL!! He got a laugh out of that one. Apparently he was able to successfully ski me around a few downed skiers, a class of kids, and some wild snowboarders. He still was very safe but felt confident in my response times. Had to laugh b/c at one point he said "now we will have to make a very hard right." I literally turned an entire sharp turn 180 degrees and he was like "Go figures." I turn way more than students he's used to and it didn't surprise him how sharp it was. Of course it made me go uphill and I had to keep from sliding backwards.

At one point today we were standing on the side of the hill waiting for a safe clearance for me to go and some lady went careening out of control and went right towards us shouting "Look out!" After she came to a skidding stop by him he was like "Lookout doesn't work with the blind!" I didn't even know she was coming until she whizzed right next to me. He said about 1 foot distance between her and I. Guess I came close to getting taken out. She was kinda expecting me to move out of the way for her and didn't see the blind skier vest I had. Oops!! Poor thing felt bad especially after the comment my guide made. Glad my hearing isn't so good. At least I had no idea what was coming towards me and never freaked out.

I noticed a change in some of my directional issues. When I was starting to slide backwards I started to notice and actually correct by moving my skis in the downhill direction so that I was perpendicular to the slope. This is something I have had trouble with identifying. I would be going backwards and not realize it or know what to do about it. Perhaps there is some hope for this directionally challenged blind woman :-). Maybe I will eventually be able to tell what my orientation is while traveling or skiing.
I really thoroughly enjoyed my day out...the air was warm and sunny (of course I couldn't see it) but I felt it. :-)

Thursday

So I had to go on a travel route to a place called Beyond Sight to look for vision aids (digital recorder to take notes, watch, etc.) to use while training. Took a long time. Anyways Jen my tech instructor went with me. I veered into the road and when I couldn't find the curb I was tempted to peek and saw that I was walking in the middle of the road and all the cars were stopped hoping not to hit me. Whoops! After the store on our way back to the bus stop I got tripped up and Jens wheelchair ran over my foot (no it didn't hurt). When I moved my foot her wheelchair began to tip and I freaked out and tried to grab her. Can you just picture what all the drivers in their cars were thinking and us two blind folks were getting all tangled up in the middle of the crosswalk. Luckily we were able to keep her from tipping over. Then when we were almost at the bus stop I crossed a driveway as a huge truck was bearing down. Jen likes teasing me that I almost got taken out by a huge dump truck. Luckily the driver could see and stopped for me as I was floundering all over the place trying to get out of his way.

What a day!!!

On the bus I was trying to find the steps to get on and couldn't seem to figure it out. A lady can out of her seat, came over to me, and grabbed my arms. For some reason she thought pulling me up was helpful. My arms were way above my head since she was above me on the top step and my cane wasn't usable that high off the ground. In that position I couldn't use my cane to get up the steps and was tripping all over the place. I did thank her anyways b/c I know she was just trying to be helpful. It really wasn't helpful at all.

I'm getting used to looking like an idiot in public. Nice and humbling!!!

Another challenge

Another challenge for you! Next time you cook and are putting your ingredients together practice under blindfold or with something else covering your eyes. Try to pay attention to pouring and how it works and practice putting together your ingredients. If you don't want to ruin a recipe then just do an experiment with flour and water. Practice pouring water into a measuring cup (we don't use the liquid measuring cups) and practice scooping flour into a measuring cup as well. Try some different techniques and get a feel for how you would know if your hand is level and when the cup is full. Leave comments if you like so everyone can get an idea for what people feel and think about it.

Am I so Scary?

So why is it that people are so afraid of me? I don't bite! On Sunday night we had a shopper's assistant at the grocery store and since I could still see I saw very clearly that the assistant was terrified of us. Am I really that scary? Then I noticed that when we came on the train yesterday morning a few people quickly got up and left even after we sat down. It's like we start a panic. I remember being self conscientious around blind people before and would act silly and was unsure what to do but I never really ran off or freaked out....or did I? Uggg I hate being on the receiving end of someone's fear. I was on a travel route yesterday and had problems finding the bridge and some guy came up and grabbed my hand and yanked me towards the bridge. I know he was trying to help so I am trying not to be miffed about it, but it seemed really rude how he yanked me around. Can there be a happy medium? I'm not stupid like the blindness makes me look. Being hearing impaired suited me better....I could hide it. The stick is really hard to hide. I really hate having my disability so out in the open. Now people see me and their first impression is dumb blind girl or pity. I really am capable and strong. Yeah it really sucks I'm blind but that doesn't mean my mind is blind to the things happening around me. I can see why the blind become so bitter about sighted people. I am determined not to be and so I have to work through these things. There are so many nice people out there and they genuinely care...and then there are some rude jerks. I need to make sure that line doesn't become to fuzzy for me. I do not want to be a bitter blind person towards people. My outgoing friendly personality is part of what makes me who I am.

Snow Skiing

I was so excited to get up to the mountain and told my guide "let's go to the big mountain." We got over there and took the lift up and began our run. Let's just say with no vision I sucked royally. I was so upset with myself and couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I could not make turns, I kept sliding backwards without realizing I was moving, and all in all I did awful. We decided to come back to the little mountain (as I call it) after lunch. One of the video guys that was video taping me for some analysis program they are doing came up to me and said he knew why I was having such trouble. The powder was fresh and creates a gliding sensation. I literally could not get a feel for my ground and orientation b/c I was gliding on this stuff. Great stuff to ski on if your sighted but horrible in my case. We went back to more familiar runs that I did the week before and I had to start working on techniques for handling the powder. I soon got the right idea and was figuring it out. I feel much better after this afternoon and finding out that mt skiing was so bad b/c of something else I wasn't familiar with helped. He let me do a few runs with my shades off so I could see and I basically ripped down them, but the key word is SIGHT really helps. Oh well I need to learn to figure out how to work with vision loss so I'm ready when it is gone.
My guide was telling me that the trouble he has with me is opposite what he has with other skiers b/c I can ski well with sight and when I turn on his commands they are very sharp turns. He's like "I can't believe I actually have to tell someone to turn less." I had fun teasing him by hockey stopping and spraying snow at him. I got him good a few times. Turning is hard while blind b/c I have no idea how much of a turn I have made. Without visual clues you have less sense of the turn amount. I would compensate by turning very sharp causing me to stop a lot. [sigh] I'll get the hang of it and hopefully the big mountain won't have fresh powder next time.

Multitasking

Today I had clean up duty and had to make sure I could clean the whole "huge" kitchen and get it looking nice while not seeing what I was doing. I also had a yeast rising bread to make and was doing both at the same time. There's a lot to clean when you are tidying the central hub for over 35 people eating lunch and getting stuff out and using the counter. Another student at the center was also assigned with me and he took out the trash and cleaned tables off. I was not going to attempt to find the dumpster. Already get lost just walking out the door sometimes.

Braille is going well. I know my alphabet just about and am learning punctuation marks. I had to write sentences using the slate and stylus today. It's a little device with cells that have 6 holes each and you punch out your words or letters in each cell. Hard to keep track which ones you already punched out, and when you punch the paper the punch dots appear on the back of your paper. This means you have to write your words or letters backwards. I'm getting the hang of it, but if any speed is needed forget it!!!

Yesterday

I had a chiropractic appt so we made it part of my travel assignment for class. I had to go find my bus, get on, cross a busy street, and find my way to my chiropractors office. I went strutting into a business and hollered "Where am I?" I couldn't help but laugh b/c my instructor quietly said behind me "We are going to have to work on how we ask questions." It doesn't surprise me how bold I can be and just say what I need. I totally embarrassed him. Then when I got to the appt I walked in and came out announcing to the world "I found it!" Celebratory dance ensued!!!

Reevaluating Life

I am typing this while blind in class since I am learning how to navigate the internet with a screen reader and no monitor. Very slow.
I spent some time last night evaluating my life. I have always had such high expectations of myself and even so with my blindness. I need to be more patient with myself. Being hearing impaired was hard but I learned that by pushing myself so hard I could succeed and even prove how capable I was. Such pressure. Now I am still doing that now with blindness.
I had to allow myself to be ok with moving at a pace that is slower than what I deem as acceptanle ane everyone else thinks is just fine. Slowing down would be good for me.
In woodshop I wanted to make a bed which is abssurd cinsidering I am blind while in woodshop. I just expect an unreasonable amount . I know I could do it but I wou uld be very frusterated and overwhelmed. I will make a trivet instead.

Success

Today was an off day for me. I doesn't help coming back after a weekend off and then having to be blind again. I keep cheating...uggg I need to put tape over my eyes or something so I can't take off my sleep shades. My schedule was moved around so I missed out on my braille class to do wood shop instead. I'm a little frustrated that I can't do something advanced in wood shop since I already make things. Making a trivet sounds too basic. I should probably get off of my high horse about it and just enjoy myself whether it is too easy or not. For travel I practiced listening to an intersection and then crossed after I listened for about 10 cycles. It's so hard to hear when to go. Of course after classes were over and it was time to go to work I decided that I was going to cross the intersection and then make it to Arapahoe community college and up to my adjunct office. I hope no one I knew saw me...I look silly in sleep shades. But it took a while to cross the intersection b/c I would wait a cycle if someone came up and told me to go. I wanted to hear the patterns myself and judge when to go. Finally made it. I actually didn't do too badly getting into the building and up the elevator to my office. Yippie!!! Don't tell my travel instructor. He'll send me on something harder!!!

Oops

Tonight my roommate started a fire in the kitchen. Scared her to death and she was yelling for me. Her vision is worse than mine and for some reason I was just much more in control of my emotions. I came over and calmly pulled out the fire extinguisher and prepared to fire the thing. The fire died on it's own and I decided it was less messy than using the extinguisher. HA!! The whole time this is going on I actually had the sense to calmly think about how messy it would be to use. Anyways, I cleaned up while she took a breather and then went back to preparing my lesson plans for the math class I teach at the community college. So bizarre how calm I was.

skiing blind video

Keep in mind that I can't see a thing and am going by commands only. The slope was kinda icy too. You can hear the skis on the ice. Also when I would stop I thought I wasn't moving and really I was still sliding. Without vision to tell you that you are moving sometimes it's easy to think you are not.

snow skiing

Had another good day snow skiing. My rhythm is much better and I was doing good listening to commands. We got some pics and video, and I can posts video when he them to me. You can see the sleep shades I wear during training. They black out everything. I finally started skiing the blue runs (more intermediate) without vision and find that the less flat spots I have the easier it is to keep a rhythm going. If I can't tell which way is up and which is down I get disoriented. Those flat spots are hard to figure out. I did ski a few runs with my sleep shades off to see if I could remember how it was 15 yrs ago. Fun stuff. My instructor had me guide him while he closed his eyes. I got to see what it was like for the guides. It was pretty windy out this time though so I had my hat pulled down all the way over my face like a bag and wore sleep shades over it. The one benefit to skiing blind is that you can cover absolutely everything and not have even your nose peeking out. Had to laugh about how I'm sure I looked to everyone else.

One of the guides was new and I was helping with his training by letting him practice with me. It's amazing how strong verses weak commands affect your ability to ski. I had a very hard time focusing on his commands and trying to execute them when I would get mixed up commands or some that never came. It was a learning experience for him and I was very quick to point out what I needed him to do so that I could hear what he said and execute the commands correctly. I only had him with us in the morning, so in the afternoon I didn't have to worry about that part. I could ski with good solid strong commands and do exactly what they told me to do.

Yikes!

Today we had to get all dressed up for a networking event at the center. We have been preparing for it for a week or so now. Basically the students in the center had the opportunity to meet with people from different companies and places of employment to get a feel for opportunities out there. Another student and I are the only ones out of the group that already have jobs, so it was a good opportunity for us to practice. We had to mingle under sleep shades and meet as many folks as possible. I was so overwhelmed. With no sight I had to use my hearing to find out who was talking and what was going on. Not so good without lipreading. Man I didn't realize how good I really was at lipreading until a time like this. There was so much noise I just about wanted to scream and throw my sleep shades across the room. It was so frustrating. I met like four people maybe out of about 15 or so. I just couldn't figure out when to just introduce myself to someone, especially since I wasn't sure about whether or not a conversation was over, or even what was being said. [sigh] It's times like these when I really hate the fact I am going blind. I'm usually so confident and outgoing in a group setting and even when I am meeting whole groups of people. Now I'm not when I have no vision. It's so hard!!! I really hope I can figure that out so I don't lose that vibrant exuberant spirit about me when I am around people.

Today

Another travel day. My residential manager met with me this morning and we cooked corn muffins that were gluten free and an egg omelet under sleep shades. These omelets are so easy to make and are perfect. Put three eggs in a zip lock bag with whatever ingredients you want. Place in a boiling pot of water for 30 min. They turn out like professionally cooked omelets. I love it. I am becoming more confident with cooking under shades b/c I am more familiar with where things are in the kitchen and can find things easily now that I've organized it all. After all the cooking and cleaning up I travelled under sleep shades back to the center which involved a bus and a light rail train. Yes I did end up stuck in a parking lot. Always happens to me. It's like they magnetically pull me towards them. HA! Today felt pretty successful!

Today was very hard

I had a very challenging and exhausting day. Started off meeting my instructor this morning to walk around the apartment complex under sleep shades. Doesn't sound so hard. But nothing is easy under sleep shades. We had to find out what building we were at, which involved trial and error. Then we had to cross many driveways and parking lots. Every time I would go to cross a driveway I would veer so far to the right I'd miss the sidewalk on the other side and start wandering a parking lot. Happened like 4 times. SO annoying. We then had to get back to the center so I had to catch the bus and train all under sleep shades. Ok you'd think all this was done for the day but no...we made a travel run towards the end of the day to find a specific store on Broadway. SO back to the train station (where I once again started wandering a parking lot) and caught a bus at a new station for me. Then took it to the correct block where we proceeded to be unable to find the stupid store. Can you just picture how you would go about walking down a street to find a business you were looking for. We walked into what smelled like a car shop (great place for the blind to go) and asked directions. No one was helpful and ignored us. We then wandered into a car wash. I was so frustrated by this point I was ready to throw my cane and scream. If I could see I would just find the dumb store. I started to walk along a sidewalk that actually went above the road level by a good amount of height. Wasn't paying attention and slipped over it right smack into the guard rail. Good thing for the rail but ouch!!! Now I have a huge bruise on my leg. I really smacked into it. By this point it was 4:25 and I had to be back to teach my class by 5:30. I literally began a nice panic routine and just started to completely shut down. By now my instructor realized I was probably at my limit and could take off my sleep shades. Besides 4:30 is when we are done for the day and are allowed to remove our sleep shades. Ugg the store was were we first started walking on the block. We barely missed it. Nonetheless we had no time and had to catch a bus back. We will have to try the route again to get to the store another time.

I barely made it back to teach in time and was pretty much out of it during class. Lots of odd sentences and incoherent speech. Gave my students a laugh. At least the math was right. More proof English is a second language for me and math is a first. HAHA!!!
NO more big travel routes on days I work. NOOOO!!!

Another day of training

I ate moldy bread today. I couldn't look to see what was wrong with it so I just kept eating. Finally I took off my sleep shades to find white mold all over it. Uggg!!! Didn't suffer ill effects except for the cheating part. oops! In one of our classes we practiced ironing without sight. Had to learn techniques for finding the iron without flat out touching it. You just run your hand slowly along the ironing board and when you bump the iron you follow the iron to the cord which tells you which side to grab. I wasn't too nervous about it since I've ironed with sight but my classmate was not really happy about this exercise. He was also a male...and what male has ever ironed before? :-)

I had to get a new cane b/c mine was bent. Had some serious curvature in it and was really messing with my rhythm. Also snowed today which made getting to classes hard this morning. Snow is hard to feel the ground through.

last weekend

I forgot to mention this but last weekend when I had my children I introduced them to two of my blind friends. We took them to the 7-11 and the park. It was so cute. Jesse would go up and take Joe's hand and help him across the parking lot and in the store. Abby would hold Shelby's hand. They were such cute helpers. At the park the kids had such fun practicing with my cane and closing their eyes. Then they wanted their own so they found sticks to use. The still have them. Whenever Abby us with me she brings her cane stick. I had to laugh b/c on our way back to the apartment we were all walking next to the side of the road. 3 blind adults with canes and two tiny children leading them around with their fake sticks in hand. I bet drivers were getting a kick out of that one.

Snow skiing blind

I went snow skiing blind today. Very freaky and interesting at the same time. I used to ski and quit 15 years ago. Not only have skis changed shape in that time frame but the technique for using them has as well. I used to hop around my poles to ski down diamond slopes back then. Now hoping is a no no. It's all different. Then you add the blind layer. HA!!! OK so we started off with me freaking out about the chair lift. It went alright and the guide was good. I just hate not knowing really where I am or where the chair is. Then skiing. OK she would say commands like right, left, left hold, traverse, stop, down. I would just have to follow directions and trust I wasn't going to hit a tree. Very hard relying on someone else. She obviously can see what is around me and where I am headed and I can't...so she knows what she is saying and I need to listen. I did my best listening. It's hard when you feel like you are moving really fast and your not, and it's hard when I felt like I wasn't moving at all and really I was. On flat spots I would get so disoriented and fall all over the place. Surprisingly enough you get pretty motion sick when you have darkness and are moving and turning like that. Icky!!! She let me go down a run without my sleep shades so I could see what I remembered from 15 years ago and see what the mountain looked like. I have no depth perception but I still remembered a lot. Except that the techniques I perfected correctly 15 years ago are no longer good techniques. Sigh!!!!

On our way back we stopped at McDonald's and even though I wasn't hungry I wanted to order some fries just so I could see if I could go from the van to the line and order something, get my food, and come back to the van. I was excited to try it out and after getting my self unstuck between a newspaper stand I made it in the door, through the line, ordered, and walked back to the van. YEAH!!! I can now do fast food under blindfold. LOL!!!

Challenge for you

One thing I have been doing to practice blind training at home is taking a shower in the dark. It's one of the easier things to do without sight. I challenge you to try taking a shower with the lights off. I recommend setting your shampoo, conditioner, and soap in a set location so that you know where it is. Make sure you know where your towel is. As a blind person order and placement of stuff matters. You have to know where everything is and visually picture what your surroundings are like (if you haven't been blind since birth). Also if you have a bathroom with a window this won't work. People with normal functioning eyes will pick up on the smallest bit of ambient light peeking through something. That's the way rod cells work. Either use a different bathroom with no windows or cover your windows as much as possible.
I find this kinda fun and for me I sometimes hardly even notice that there is no light. Of course 8 hours in sleep shades will do that to you. Be sure you don't trip on the lip of your tub. No falls allowed!

Comment on what you think about the experiment and others can read your thoughts or things you've noticed.
HAVE FUN!!!

Today

Today wasn't too demanding on me. Nice to have an easier day for a change. I'm learning hot keys on the computer to navigate without a monitor. I can see how it'll be faster than just using a mouse like I would if I wasn't losing vision. I'm picking up on stuff pretty quickly. Hopefully no burnout though. Considering that I need the stuff though I can't see myself burning out as easily. I am enjoying all the learning even though it is hard to do.

Yesterday's journal entry

I made a batch of corn bread muffins (gluten free) all under blind fold. I was very excited that I found what I needed, made the batter, cleaned the dishes, cleaned my mess, baked the corn bread, and then had it turn out well at the same time. Yeah!!! It’s a big industrial sized kitchen but I am beginning to find my way around nicely. It’ll take more time, but I’m off to a better start than last week. Can you picture pouring though blindfolded? How would you line up the container so that you didn’t over pour or miss it entirely. That is the question of the day. I tried a few methods which didn’t seem to work. I tried holding my measuring cup with half my palm over it to feel when the liquid touched my palm, and I tried poring it into a separate bowl and scooping the amount out. Oils are the worst. You can’t tell when they are pouring and need alternative methods like scooping out of a container.



Today during travel I made a mistake that really is a dangerous one. I have a new cane so I had to get used to it. Felt different and was slightly longer. Anyways I crossed the road onto a bus island and had to step up onto the island. Instead I thought the curb was on the other side of where my cane said it was and so I turned away from it right into a lane of traffic. My instructor ran after me and grabbed me, pulling me back to the island. Whoops!!! I was laughing hysterically. Anyone that really knows me knows that I laugh when I get really nervous and I was hysterically nervous in this case. I couldn’t believe how I just walked right into an open lane. He did say that there have been times when people missed the island entirely and just walked on through the road and cars would screech to a stop. Well at least they were only going maybe 25-30 mph and likely would have stopped. LOL!!! Not much consolation for the poor driver that has to slam on the brakes. Fortunately the cars in my lane were stopped at a light. Perhaps if they were going I may not have turned into the lane of traffic b/c I would have heard them, but my hearing aids don’t localize very well. Who knows!!

crazy night

Today went well. Tonight though on my way back from counseling I missed my train by 30 seconds and so missed my bus and had to walk home. Pitch black out and I decided "oh well. I can use my training skills and walk home." This was all fine and dandy until the path seemed to veer off to who knows where and my cane tip broke off. For the love of Pete. Did it have to break off in the middle of nowhere! I made it home over an hour later. It was like 9 when I finally got home. Now I have to buy a whole new cane. I guess it's similar to driving your car with a flat tire and not being able to change it so you ruin the rims. Well the tip protects the cane....so much for that.

Now for a nice warm shower since it's like 20 degrees outside and I am more frozen than I realized. Ok hopefully tomorrow won't be quite that adventuresome. I need a break!