"There are days when I hate everything about being blind and there are others when it seems do-able and okay to live with." This is something one of my friends recently said and I would say sums up what I am facing. Some days I feel so confident and ready to accept this and then other days I wish I could throw everything I own off some roof. I definitely experience so many raw emotions when it comes to this. It seems that one day will be fine and then one little disappointment or experience will set me off. Being blind is a very scary prospect, especially with hearing loss on top of it. When I am under sleep shades I notice that my level of understanding communication is hard, especially the more conversations and noise you add to a situation. I still find myself feeling like this is all so unreal and find it hard to believe that I am actually losing my vision. Some days I am just so tired and exhausted dealing with my life. It feels so hard and unfair. Then other days I completely shut off my feelings and ignore the obvious about what I am going through.

I struggle with how obvious my impairment is, and how much I have to rely on others. I've always been more independent and now even that is being taken away. I spend so much time feeling so bad for putting others out when I need help with something, like shopping. I don't like how it feels when I can't get my needs met by myself and I have to rely on someone else. It's hard and I know it will only increase more so as I lose more and more of my vision.

OK now that I have spent all this time talking about my sad feelings I have some good news. I got to take today off because it snowed too much. The center was closed for the day. It was a much needed break!!!